Do you ever feel inadequate – unqualified for the task ahead of you? I surely do! And lately even more so. I am a diligent type of person and for the most part I stay on task and keep pressing forward. But, the truth is I am inadequate – if I look to myself to fulfill the task set before me I will truly bomb. I don’t mind bombing, I have had a lot of experience doing just that and it is getting easier to get up and try again. The quandary I find myself in now is different though. The call to accurately handle the Word of God doesn’t allow for a slipshod attitude.
I am extremely honored to represent my Lord and Savior and I truly do not want to take this privilege lightly. Yesterday, I took two separate mile walks. I found this to be a great time to pray and seek direction. It was amazing the pace I could keep when I was focused on talking to God, rather than on the distance I was covering.
As I walked, so many things were swirling through my mind and it took time before it cleared enough that I could listen – perhaps the most important aspect of prayer. During the second walk of the afternoon, I was hearing God say to me, “Live your life in such a way that your Father in heaven is glorified.” I never got beyond this phrase. I just kept mulling it over and over again. Even yet this morning I am thinking about what God is saying to me.
How can my heavenly Father be glorified through my life? What do I need to do so that will be the outcome? Once again, I am drawn to the importance of “being the woman God has called me to be” more so than, “doing things for the Lord.”
Due to a hectic lifestyle the past couple of weeks, I have found myself fatigued. I have sensed that God has been asking me to put aside “doing acts of service.” I balk at this. This is hard for me. Daily, I am fighting the urge to be the hands and feet of Jesus. About now you may be asking, “Well what is wrong with doing acts of service?” There is nothing wrong with acts of service; in fact, we are scripturally encouraged to serve one another.
In the book of Exodus, we read, “Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” (34:14) Did you know for me, it is harder for me to “not” do acts of service than to do them? At times, these acts of service take away my time with God. As a Christian of more than forty years, I rarely wrestle with overtly sinful things; the battle is much more subtle. I desire to put God first in my life, but in reality, these acts of service often come before God. Oh, I do them in the name of the Lord, with the hope that He will be glorified through them – but sometimes I believe that God is asking me to put aside doing to be with Him – to focus my whole attention on Him.
Thinking about this makes me think of a child who is being indulged by his/her mother with all kinds of gifts – toys, clothes, parties, etc – yet what the child truly wants is just time alone with his/her mother. It is humbling to think that my God, whose name is Jealous, wants me all to Himself. This is an overwhelming thought – I am humbled at the thought.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2)
